Archive: October 2006

I hear that Roxie, Priya's friend is miffed because I didn't put her picture on my blog yet. These two ladies are the wife and girlfriend of Aqueeb an enterprising gentleman from South London who wants to get them into the porn business. The main motivation he says is that he wants to see his wife have the shit fucked out of her by two big black men, doesn't everybody?
So where does he go from here? The current fascination with all porno things Indian suggests the odds are in his favor. Do Aqueebs dreams motivate him into becoming M. Knight Shagemupthebum, Britain's premier porn director and lead to great wealth and a possible Knighthood, or does he just fantasize about the possibilities while banging his wife up the ass and coming in her face? Either way I wish him god speed and if you need any help you know where to find me.
And if you just happen to be two big black guys from South London I will put you in touch with Aqueed and his clan you just might make all of their dreams come true.

I read Gene's site a lot maybe a couple of times a day. I like the fact that he gathers together the news that is pertinent or interesting to our industry, if it wasn't for him I would have little idea of what was going on outside of my little world. This morning I was reading the latest guff about Linda Lovelace and Chuck Traynor. Obviously it was written by somebody who knows nothing of the people involved, as most 'normal' news is, I wondered why nobody ever asked the people who were around at the time what the real truth was.
I met Chuck Traynor years ago in Las Vegas where he was a major gun dealer. He is a big scary guy with a magnetic personality and at the time had the most beautiful girlfriend a man could wish for. I don't remember her name but she was the cover girl on Soldier of Fortune magazine many times. As big and scary as Chuck was she wore the pants in that family and Chuck did as he was told, so much for the monster.
As for Linda, I missed her by a couple of years, but she had dated 'Ernie' the lighting guy for a long time and he worked for me in the early 80'. During lunch breaks Ernie used to regale us with stories of her turning up on sets where he was working in a Limo with bags of cocaine and whisking him off to hotels for nights of unbridled sex, sneaking onto sets and having sex with him in closets or bathrooms and many other stories of her pursuing him to the point of obsession. The major stars of the time, John Leslie, Joey Silvera, Ronnie the Hedgehog all worked for me and had been privy to her behavior, they nodded and laughed as they knew the stories were true.
Linda Lovelace like most submissive co-dependant druggy whores constantly turned her life over to her boyfriend of the moment. If she was a 'prisoner' she was a 'prisoner' by choice and design. Chuck had no respect for her and told her to do outragous things, like fuck dogs at parties just to see the extent of her self loathing, she did everything he asked which further diminished their relationship. She behaved like a stupid whore, he treated her like one, text book co-dependency.
After Chuck she continued in her life style of sex and drugs and porno for years but this is never reported.
In later years she sobered up and like so many recovered, alcoholic, druggy whores she could not deal with the truth of her former life so she invented justifications for her excesses.
There are many myths and legends in the history of porn but the industry is still young enough that the folks who were there are still around, if you want to know the truth just ask!

After all of the hate mail I have been getting from the Whacki Paki it is nice to get mail from somebody who doesn't hate me.
Aqueeb an Indian gentleman living in England sent me pictures of his wife Priya who would like very much to have sex with two guys at the same time. His email arrived the same day as another outpouring of filth and bigotry from Whacki. So here we are, one guy spouts hate and obscenities and the other sends me naked pictures of his wife, goodbye Whacki, hello Aqueeb. I wrote back to Aqueeb a chatty friendly note and he promptly sent me naked pictures of his wife's friend Roxie and asked me to post his wife's picture on the internet. There was a vague suggestion in his notes that the ladies would like to have sex with me! This morning he emailed me and said that the ladies would like to see pictures of me naked! Trust me they most certainly would not. Even when I am alone I undress in the dark and I am not going to send anybody a picture of my penis. In the meantime I will continue exchanging emails with my new friend and maybe tomorrow I will post a picture of Roxie.

Like a piece of meat I have been sold again.
Time Warner recently bought out Comcast and inherited me.
My misery began with a FedEx delivery of the cheapest crap modem in the world and a letter telling me to install it myself. They were changing the frequency to the internet in 2 days and if I didn't install it I would be cut off.
Aaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh call Time Warner!
After being on hold for over an hour including being cut off twice a nice lady arranged for a technician to come out the next day.
"I have 8 apartments here" I told her "and a router so I need help"
The next day a guy came out looked at my installation and said
"You have a router"
"I know that's why you are here"
"I don't do routers"
"Then why are you here?"
"Because they sent me"
Smacks of the Nuremburg Trials doesn't it?
I made him sit while I called Time Warner, only 37 minutes this time with one hang up.
"He doesn't do routers" the lady said
"Then why is he here"
"Because you asked for a service call"
"I asked for a service call because I have a router"
"He doesn't do routers"
The outcome was that I have Internet but all of my tenants will have to wait for a week until the guy who does do routers can come by.
Next problem.
The next day they changed the frequency so my email didn't work. They sent me an email to inform me. They sent the email after they changed the frequency.
I had no morning spam and knew something was wrong so I checked the Comcast server. I read TW's email and followed the instructions for the required download, nothing.
I started calling Time Warner at 1 pm I got to talk to somebody at 3:15 pm. The download had put incorrect information onto my computer and I had to change all of the settings.
"Try it now" the guy said.
I did, I downloaded repeats of all of my last weeks emails
"OK" the guy said and hung up.
Every email I have received for the last few days I have received twice. I used to get about 30 pieces of spam a day now I get 60. My anti-spam program only filters out emails from my accountant, William the drug dealer and a crockery company that believes that they can beat me into buying their stuff by spamming me twice a day every day.

The ex-Mrs. T. Bone is Thai.
Thai people love smells, most of them are addicted to menthol inhalers or they carry parsimony fruit and sniff it rather than eat it.
My car which is driven daily by the ex-Mrs. T. Bone and is home to several stuffed animals garnering me many friendly waves when I drive through Boy's Town, is a testament to her nasal obsessions. Usually the car reeks of menthol from liquid 'bottle o smells' or fresh forest smells from hanging cardboard trees or un-palatable aromas from cut-out cartoon characters like 'fresh new car' or 'real leather' or 'did you fart?'.
This shit has been driving me crazy for years, usually I start my day with a drive to the local gas station and dump all of her crap into the garbage.
"My car" I have declared, " should be a smell free zone".
For the last week my car has smelled like violets and I can't find where it is coming from. I have literally striped the car down to the metal and I can not find where she has hidden the offending source. The ex-Mrs. T. Bone denies everything and says it is all in my head, meanwhile my car smells like your grannies underwear drawer.
The valet at the bank asked me if I work at the flower market, I told him no,
"Your car smells like violets" he said,
"I know"
"could be pansies" he said,
so he now supposes I am gay, what with the stuffed animals and all.
I am going to have one last search today and if I can't find out where the small is coming from I am going to Brazil.

I had a little flurry of emails with Brandon Irons last week. I like Brandon, always have, but he told me he had just bought a ticket to Thailand and was off there to shoot.
Soon there will be more people shooting in Bangkok than in the San Fernando Valley.
I wanted to tell Brandon that it is very illegal to shoot there and that the Muslim General in charge the new Military government is actively going after all international sex travelers, but he would probably think I had my own agenda. I wanted to mention that a still shooter for one website was arrested last months for shooting solo stills and that he is still in jail and that the owner of that company had to flee the country earlier this year as the police moved to seize all of his assets, but he probably wouldn't have believed me.
I could have told him that the owner of another website had a recent run in with the cops and nobody has heard from him for the last 2 weeks or that my partner has left his home and business there and is currently residing here in LA with no plans to return, or a dozen other things, but he would have gone anyway.
It will only take one American shooter to be arrested and imprisoned and guys will start to realize just how dangerous it really is, I hope Brandon isn't the guy.

So you have illusions of opening a pay site one day do you?
Think you can cash in on your investment?
Chances are all of your content is already on a 100 pay sites and you dont even know.
Why?
Because the VOD companies are setting up side companies that legally sell your content to webmasters. Did you really read that contract?
A Webmaster can buy the rights to your movies for less than $300 a movie, they need 4 movies to open a site, so for the total investment of less than $1200 any half-assed web kid with a computer and basic training can open the site you always dreamed of and be living off your movies for the rest of your life and you will never see a dime. This is not the future, it is happening today.
Take Dane for example or Coast to Coast I dont know if either of them have a pay site but I can go to adultlegal.com and buy the content to their movies for $278.95 per movie. So for a total investment of $1115.80 I am in business. I can have a site built for $1000 and then buy traffic from other webmasters and pay them out of the proceeds from the paysite for the traffic they send me, zero outlay. Now lets say I buy the name danemovies.com or coasttocoastmovies.com for $15 from a domain company I have spent a total of $2130.80 and I am in business with their name and their product. I can replenish my site with 5 new scenes a month by spending $278.95 on a new title, they will never see a dime and its all legal
And here is the second big fuck you,
The VOD companies are adding a new feature to their delivery systems called total movie, people can download a movie by the minute, the scene or now, the total movie.
So if a customer can legally download your latest movie in near DVD quality for $9.95 and burn it to a DVD do you think that might hurt your sales?
Do you really want a VOD company to be your newest sales department with an autonomous ability to set prices?
And how much of that $9.95 will you see? $1.25? That will be your new wholesale price.
As more and more consumers are turning to the internet for porn more and more people are making fortunes on your product and you dont even know it!

I sat with Blaine for 18 minutes this morning. In that time he cut me a check for the money Damaged cheated me out of, not a big one, more of an olive branch than a windfall, and assured me that the website with my content on it was coming down.
We discussed today's article on Gene's site singling out his partner Steve as the root of all evil. When I asked Blaine his opinion he sighed deeply and said
"He doesn't fuck up every week"

On reflection, every problem I have had with Damaged has been something dishonest that Steve has done, every time I have brought it to his attention he has promised to do something about it and then just blown it off, and every time it has been Blaine who has resolved the problem with me.
I am willing to accept that Steve has made mistakes more through ineptitude and carelessness than malicious deceit but he is a huge cross for a honest businessman to bear.
You are a good guy Blaine but maybe it is time to reassess who you trust with your reputation.

A guy called Anthony has been emailing me regarding the Cortez twins, seem she likes them as much as I do.
I originally signed these beautiful twin sisters to a 12 picture deal paying them a small fortune. But shortly after shooting Tabu for me they were offered a regular show on Brazilian MTV. The production company made it a condition that they didn't shoot anymore porn. I of course released them from their contract and I hear things are going very well for them in Brazil. Hope you like the picture Anthony!

I swear this is the last time I shall give this guy space on my blog but here is the latest email from the Whacky Paki:

u r just a fucking asshole. do u really think that i am going to care about my english when I am silly shouting my ass off at ur ugly american ass. MY friend I have several busineses in the UK. I own two minicab firms, two dry cleaners and two medium size
Restaurants. I DRIVE TOP OF THE RANGE VEHICLES. I LIVE IN A HOUSE WHICH IS WORTH MORE THAN £1.5 MILLION.SO U SEE I NOT A LOOSER. I AM MAKING MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE WHO GRADUATED FROM OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE. LISTEN ASSHOLE, I AM MAKING MORE THAN £2.5 EACH YEAR. AND DONT FORGET HOW MUCH TAXES I HAVE TO PAY OUT TO THE GREEDY ENGLISH GOVERNMENNT.
AND U MUST THINK THAT I AM A COMPLETE ASSHOLE TO BELIEVE
THAT U HAND OUT $150,000 TO THE POOR PEOPLE. YEAH RIGHT GO AND TELL THIS TO A 10 YEARD OLD. DO U THINK I WAS BORN YESTERDAY?. ASSHOLE. U R NOT GOING TO HAND OUT MONEY JUST BECAUSE U ARE KIND HEARTED. U R A SICK MAN. U EXPLOIT THOSE POOR WOMEN BY SHOWING THEM MONEY. WHY WOULD U GIVE PEOPLE MONEY WITHOUT GETTING ANYTHING BACK.
GET A LIFE.
LOOK THERE ARE ALOT OF WHORES IN THE USA, WHO ARE WILLING TO SELL THEIR CHILDREN FOR $10 WORTH OF CRACK. GO TO THEM AND ASK THEM TO WORK IN UR PORN. THEY WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO OPEN THEIR NASTY SMELLY HOLES.
AND ONE MORE THINK ASSHOLE. HOW CAN A VIRGIN BE A WHORE? HAHAHA STUPID ASS MOTHERFUCKER.

AND I DONT JUST HATE WHTES OR BLAKCKS BUT I ALSO HATE ARABS, PEOPLE OF ORIENTAL GROUP AND THE SPANISH PEOPLE

Here is my reply:

As amusing as your emails are I am getting bored with you. Your stupidity and ignorance are no longer funny. The hatred that you hold for all races is an extension of your lack of education and for this you have my pity. I have received many emails from Pakistani people, who are embarrassed by you; you represent the worst of your race.
25 years ago when I lived in England stupid ignorant English people spoke about Pakistanis the way you speak of others, they defiled the culture and dignity of your race, sadly they have spawned you and for this I am sorry. Racial intolerance is unacceptable in todays society; perhaps you could share your feelings with your customers at your restaurants and Taxi Company if indeed they are not a figment of your imagination, either way this scenario is played out. I would like to be able to direct you to a hate group so that you could find solace in the company of like minded others but unfortunately I can not think of any that would be sympathetic to a Pakistani. Perhaps you could start your own, 'Paki Power' has a nice ring to it.

One of my new friends on the bulletin boards told me about a 'free brothel' in Prague where the sex between you and the girl is streamed on the internet. All you need to do is provide is an ID, sign a model release and you are banging for nada Click Here to check it out

My new friend King Cobra sent me 2 new emails this morning both of them defiling the English language. The first one is kind of cheerful:

forst off all try to finf a porn industy in pakistan , HHAHHAAH U WILL NOT U ARE MORE LIKELY TO FIND HELL ON EARTH. THEN TRY TO FIND SOMEONE WHO IS WILLING TO MAKE PORN , GO TO ANY BIG CITY IN PAKISTAN AND U TELL ME IF U WERE LUCKY TO FIND ANY ONE.

ALL THOSE PAKI BITCHES IN PORN ARE NOT IN PAKISTAN THEY ARE IN OTHER COUNTRYS BEING EXPLOITED.

By the time he sent the second one he must of read my reply to his earlier emails:

u r a fuckin asshole. and those paki men are pimps who are willing to put their own mothers and sisters in porn, and those women who have contacted u to work in ur film and 100% whores no self respecting paki woman will be willing to do this. and give me some proof that women want want to work for u. and as u say that u give money to poor people then , all those bitches who are not worth dog shit and ahve no respect if poverty is going to turn them into porn stars. AND PEOPLE LIKE U WHO DRINK POOR PEOPLE BLOOD GET A KICH OUT OFF GIVING POOR PEOPLE MONEY AND U SEEM TO EXPLOIT THEM.

Until now I had very little interest in Pakistan my intentions were always towards India, but this little worm is starting to piss me off. Please also understand that I acquired this raging bigot from a website where guys post information on places to find prostitutes. Mr. Cobra or 'King' as I like to call him has made many posts asking for information on where and how to contact Pakistani prostitutes. I am sure not the 100% dog shit bitch whores that I am looking for but wholesome, well educated, virgin whores that will fall under the spell of his masterful love making and follow him to the ends of the earth. Any LA whores looking for a suitcase pimp? My new friend certainly fits the bill.

I have been talking to Blaine for 2 days now, the website is coming down and he has agreed to pay me all the money from the VOD sales, believe him? I do. We have a face to face set for Tuesday, this could all be over next week.

I have been using world sex chat rooms recently contacting people all over India, Pakistan and Bangladesh in preparation for my upcoming trip. In my postings it seems that I have poked a bigot with a stick. A few days ago I received this email from a man calling himself King Cobra:

where do u get off talking about paki women like this? who do u think u r?
if u want to make porn go to usa, europe of africa they will be happy to do it and will do it for free.
do u think that paki women will want to make porn? think again. u just want to curropt our women. it will never happen

I sent him a short reply:

The Internet is full of web sites with Indian and Paki women you really need to get out more!

He posted this message on the website:

hey man
u just a stupid american dumb mother fucker who will put ur mother and ur sisters in porn just because u want to see their butt hole streched. no man u r one sich puppy. just look at the west! its corrupt! why do u people think u r. u people just know how to bomb poor people and make porn MOVIESi and u people are proud off it. u people are scum off the earth.

AND WHAT THE HELL U DOING IN A PAKISTAN FORM? U ASSHOLE JUST STICK TO UR STUPID ASS AMERICAN CONTINENT. U DONT SEE ME GOING TO UR STUPID ASS NORTH AMERICAN FORUM.
HAAHAHAH NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY BILLIONS OF PEOPLE ACROSS THE WORLD HATE AMERICANS .

DONT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY! BUT WHAT I SAY ITS ALL TRUE . NORTH AMERICAN MUST BE THE HATERED CONTINENT IN THE WORLD

This morning I found this in my mailbox:

FIRST OFF ALL U NEED TO LEARN TO INDENTIFY WHO IS WHO. U MIGHT THINK THAT ALL ASIAN WOMEN LOOK THE SAME. U MIGHT THINK THAT INDIAN WOMEN ARE PAKI WOMEN. OR U MIGHT BE LEAD TO BELIEVE THAT THE WOMEN U SEE SEE ARE PAKI, BUT THEY CAN BE PERSIANS OR EVEN ARABS THAT LOOK LIKE PAKI WOMEN. I KNOW THAT THERE ARE TONS OF INDAN PORN STARS FROM THE UK AND INDIA. AND MY FRIEND THE WOMEN WHO WORK IN PORN OF PAKI ETHNIC ARE THE ONE WHO ARE NO MORRALS AND R BORN AND BROUGHT UP IN THE WEST. THE WOMEN ARE NOT PAKIS BUT WESTERN WOMEN. WE DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM.
WHY DO U WANT TO SEE PAKI WOMEN IN UR PORN MOVIES. JUST GO AND SEE THIS SHIT TO A HEAD STRONG PAKI MAN . HE WILL CUT OFF UR HEAD AND SHIT DOWN UR NECK.

U MUST THINK THAT ALL PEOPLE ARE SHITTY JUST LIKE THE WHITE AND BLACK RACE . YEAH JUST GO TO THE MIDDDLE EAST THEY ARE WILLING TO FUCK FOR MOVIES AND TO AFRICA AND TO THE WEST. MY FRIEND DO NOT EVER GO TO PAKISTAN AND EVEN THINK ABOUT THIS. U WILL GET UR FUCKING HEAD BLOW OFF.

Only a really angry man or a retarded child writes in caps. I sent him this reply:

It didn't take long to find a moronic fanatic. It doesn't matter to me or to the rest of the world what ethnic background the girls are, only a bigot like you would care. Your entire argument is flushed down the toilet by the number of Paki men who have written to me to offer help and the girls who have written asking to work for me. You stand alone in your anger and ignorance. Your hatred of blacks and whites is pitiful. Instead of writing your venomous diatribes to me you would be better advised to learn about the races you hate so much and practice a little tolerance. For your information when I visit a country I usually spend around $100,000, apart from hotel costs this money goes straight into the hands of the poor people you wish to defend. In your life you will never give this much money to these people.
FYI I do not think that people who work for me are shitty quite the contrary I respect all people regardless of color, ethnic background, or occupation, this I am sure is way beyond your comprehension. As to your desires to 'blow my head off' you just show yourself to be a stupid violent bigot. If your email address is correct and you live in the UK your life must be miserable as you are forced to cohabitate with other ethnic races on a daily basis. Your thinking is why people are killing each other in your part of the world, go home, pick up a gun and die for your beliefs, the world will be better off without you.

Today I found a website containing entirely my product. Damaged of course must have supplied them with it probably through the content store. My lawyer is on an extended trip to Europe and I need to take action immediately. Is there a lawyer out there that would like to represent me? please email me at [email protected].

Mr. Big called today complaining that there aren't enough hours in the day
"I'm buried in frikin' work here" he bemoaned.
"You need an assistant" I suggested
"I do, I do, get me one" he wailed.
I put an ad on craigslist 'Pornographer seeks assistant' In the last two hours I have received replies from 50+ people over qualified for the job and one nutter who said as a pornographer I could kiss his ass.
I sent him a polite note declining his offer.
The point is, porno is no longer shameful. There is a new generation out there that simply takes pornography in its stride 'a job is a job' seems to be the order of the day. How much healthier America is than when I came here in the 70's I doubt that my ad would have even run in those days.
So god bless you America you have finally started to grow up, now if you could just kill all the Baptists..................

I got a call over the week-end, seems I am not the only guy dumb enough to be going to uncharted parts of Asia, there is another guy going to Pakistan. I hope he is having more luck than I am putting things together as all of my arrangments are slowly going down the toilet. The latest contact I have is quoting $2000 to $3000 for girls.
Anyway my friend told me that a lot of people in the industry are reading my Blog.
"Well that's good isn't it?" I said
"Sort of."
"What do you mean, sort of?"
"Most of them don't like you"
"Most of who don't like me?"
"Most of the people in the industry"
This is the shit that fascinates me as nobody has even seen me for almost 6 years.
"That's a bit hypercritical isn't it?"
"You know this business"
So please if you are one of the hypocrites that enjoys my blog but talks bad about me,
go fuck yourself.

DAMAGED WATCH day 11 still nothing from these fuckers on the money they stole from me.

Tweeky wasn't invited on this trip but Dunk had a Tweeky story so good I had to give him billing. If you remember the last trip finished with Tweeky and Dunk leaving my house around 2 am, Tweeky's wife would not pick him up so Dunk was to drive him to Venice and he would take a taxi home from there. Tweeky was paid in cash, just enough to pay his overdue rent the following morning.
I live downtown with all of the street life you would expect in a great Metropolis. So Dunk and Tweeky pulled out of my yard and as they are turning onto the street Tweeky rolled down the window and yelled at a black guy
"Yo Black, who's sellin'"
The guy walked over to the car and Dunk watched in amazement as Tweeky bought $100's worth of crack from him.
"Do you know him" Dunk asked naively as Tweeky rolled some of the crack into a ball and stuck it down the end of a cigarette.
"No" said Tweeky drawing heavily on the cigarette.
"Fuck" he started yelling "this shit isn't crack, that fucker fucking robbed me"
Dunk is somewhat relieved as pictures of being pulled over and arrested by the police were flashing through his head.
"My wife is going to kill me we needed that money for the rent" Tweeky said angrily throwing the fake crack out of the car window.
Nonplused by junkie logic Dunk drove Tweeky to Venice. About a mile short of the Taxi stand he pulled into a gas station to fill his gas tank. Walking across the forecourt of the gas station to their parked car was an obviously upper middle class young black couple. Tweeky jumped out of the car and chased them down shooting the now familiar,
"Yo Black, who's sellin'"
Horrified the young couple waved him away and ran for their car.
So Dunk and X and I rolled into Mexico for a two day shoot. We shot everything we had come for, we shot some new pretty girls and nothing went wrong, nobody robbed us, nobody fucked us over, no police held us to ransom, in fact it was a totally boring trip.
On the way home we made Dunk tell us the Tweeky story again just to lift our spirits.

I am off to Mexico again this morning. Mr. Big wants some more tranny movies and I need the money so it is a perfect match. I have spent the last two days searching the internet for information on India, Pakistan and Bangladesh in preparation for the next real trip. Every report I read contradicts the one I read last last. I read that prostitution is legal in India then I read about a bunch of arrests in India for prostitution. I read that they are making porno movies in Pakistan then I read that they shoot you for making porno movies in Pakistan, confusing huh? Next week I have to book my tickets and pick my crew so I need to make some decisions this week-end. So there will be no posts for a few days, finding a place with internet in Mexico is like finding a whore without a drug problem.

It is now five days since Steve from Damaged called and offered to tell me how much money they had stolen from me via VOD sales and refund it to me.
"I will have the figures today, tomorrow at the latest"

LIAR!

We have recieved nothing........suprised?

Living in Hollywood and working in the movies you are always fair game to be pitched on working on somebody's pet project for free. Yesterday a couple of my tenants were shooting a pilot for a TV show on Yoga called 'Planet Yoga' or is it 'Yoga Planet' ? I don't remember, but I had the equipment they needed and god knows I had the time so I decided to be a good guy for a day and help them out.
We left the house at 8:00 am and drove down to the San Diego area to interview a world famous Yoga Guru called Tim something. We shot an informal interview with him in his kitchen and then followed him to The Astanga Yoga centre to shoot him teaching a class. The class was full of 25 to 30 year old suburban housewives in amazing condition wearing tight dance clothes. I stood and stared at their asses as they tightened and loosened their buttocks, which seems to be a big part of Yoga, and did exercises to strengthen their vaginal muscles, a necessity I feel for women with children. I tried to be discreet but the gasps of "Oh Jezus" and "what a fucking ass" gave me away. Nobody seemed to be too pissed.
I asked an Asian girl with the best ass in the class to stay behind and take a picture with Tim the Guru which she did but try as I may she wouldn't let me take a picture of her ass.
After the shoot we, the crew, sat down to lunch, they of course are all vegetarian and they made a big deal out of the fact that they had bought some chicken for me. The chicken was dry so I snuck off and bought a slice of pepperoni pizza. Next we were supposed to be shooting a couple of lesbians who prepare raw food for a living ??????? They are called Sexy Raw Chicks or Raw Sexy Bitches or something like that, I swear I am not making this up, anyway off we went to Bumfuck nowhere.

Give me that old time religion.

30 minutes later we arrived at The Universal Temple of Higher Consciousness, a building shaped like a small airplane hanger on the top of a dirt mountain in Escondido California. The lesbians were pretty typical, one was needy and flirted and talked too much the other was a cunt. I took the stills and sat outside while my tenant shot the food preparation deal. This was when I was approached by a lady who introduced herself a Tess the high priestess of the temple and she told me she was a goddess.
I told her the story of the last encounter I had had with a goddess. It was the Temple of Isis right here in Hollywood, I had heard about them from a friend and I didn't believe his story, so I went to check them out. It was run by a husband and wife duo both of them in their 50's, she the Goddess, him the wuss. I asked them to take me through the steps of initiation, which started with me kneeling in front of the Priestess who sat on a throne and I had to eat her pussy. She enjoyed this a little to much, then we moved to the bed of total enlightenment where she ripped off my clothes and fucked herself silly on my dick. At one point during the ceremony I looked up and saw her husband peeking through a spy hole in the wall and I swear he was jacking off.
After this religious experience I took a shower and damn me if the fucking prophet of god didn't jump into the shower with me and start sucking my dick. She asked me if I wanted to fuck her again but I could only handle so much spiritualism in one day so I passed. On my way out they asked me for a $100 donation to the church.
I saw later on the news that they had been busted for prostitution.
Tess laughed and told me that her church was based on world peace and unconditional love for all humanity. She maintained relationships with her husband of 17 years and with another guy who had been living with them for almost 2 years. I absolutely felt that the door was open to fuck her if I wanted, I chose not to go through it.
Tess it turns out when she is not busy being a goddess is also a singer/songwriter and apparently was invited to the UN sometime ago to sing a song she had written on world peace.
I was impressed with Goddess Tess, she exudes calm peacefulness, we talked for hours, she is from Queens and is currently waiting for her 84 year old mother to come and live with her in the Temple. I asked her if her Moms name was Mary, she laughed.
We talked about the Bagwan, the Raj Neesh, the Hari Krishna and other religious organizations that have made fortunes. I felt that Mrs. God was pretty genuine in her beliefs, whacky as they may be, her husband on the other hand, the original one not the disciple, I think smells the money.
Her congregation was pretty much made up of old ladies who wanted to cure me, I am not too sure what of, a couple of really cute young girls with obvious emotional problems, a couple of old time hippy guys with obvious alcohol problems, and a bunch of ugly guys who were looking to get laid.
It didn't bother God Tess that I didn't buy into her bullshit, she was cool and funny like most middle-aged Jewish ladies from Queens with two husbands and I have to admit I really liked her.
I as I drove home in the early hours of the morning I turned on the car radio and found out that the Dodgers had beaten the San Francisco Giants in the second of three games and had in fact clinched a place in the play off's.
"A miracle" I thought "Maybe there is something to this religious stuff after all."